Date of posting: November 18, 2004
RUFFNER, ALBERTA J., 75, Survived by sons Dennis & Todd Ruffner, brothers Ernest, Russell & Raymond Swan grandchildren Sarah, Julianna, Nicole, Rebecca, Zachary, Jessica, Christina, Amanda and 5 great grandchildren.
In remembrance of Alberta (Bert) J. Ruffner
August 4, 1929 – October 25 2004
What happened?
Mom hated doctors and she went 30 years without seeing any at all.
Finally it was discovered that she had high blood pressure and she went on medication. This was just some 4 or 5 years ago. She would not have bothered then except that she had a rash completely covering her body and some nasty oozing sores. As it was it took a week of arm twisting to get her there.
From here on she began to become weaker by degrees.
The medications did not agree with her and so she did not take them regularly.
By December 2002 it was found that the blood pressure had taken it’s toll and that her kidneys were borderline, and her heart was enlarged. The blood pressure, dry macular degeneration and cataracts were also bringing her closer to blindness.
That spring I took over the management of her medications because she really did not want to be bothered.
The summer of 2003 she was angry with her doctor and simply refused to see ANY doctor. Though she continued to take the medications on hand, her blood pressure went unmanaged and mitigated her continuing decline. I managed to get her to go mid September, but she insisted that it wait until she was done painting the porch.
Meanwhile she continued to smoke and to drink copious amounts of coffee, perhaps her only remaining pleasures in life. These two habits drive up the blood pressure thus more medication is required to control it.
Uncontrolled blood pressure and the kidneys go. The more medications in the system, the harder on the system. A mortal balancing act.
In January 2004 her ankles were swollen and the doctor wanted her to be admitted into the hospital. She refused. From this point on we were in doctors offices or going for testing or treatments 3 to 5 days a week.
This past February, her pulmonologist informed me that she had sever emphysema and a tumor on her left lung. He asked if we could get her to quit smoking. I told him that to her smoking was to her the meaning of life. He responded with a look of horror and shock in his eyes.
It was also found that her heart was enlarged due to the blood pressure and there was some valve damage.
From this time on, she was walking on the fence and teetering back in forth in and out of kidney failure.
Eventually she received radiation for her tumor and was tolerating it quite well. She had completed 26 out of 30 treatments.
Best reckoning seems to indicate that her kidneys began to fail at the end of September. She became severely ill during the night of Thursday September 14 but refused to go to the emergency ward the following day. Though made available, she refused to eat or drink much throughout the day. By Saturday morning I determined the situation was becoming perilous and forced the issue.
She was admitted into Sierra Medical center on Saturday the 16th. The most serious consequence was dehydration and the kidneys were just over the line. By Monday she seemed to be doing much better. On Tuesday I was informed that her kidneys had failed and there was little more that could be done. She was transferred to Mesa Hills Specialty Hospital Wednesday evening. (She wanted to go home and to have chicken enchiladas) On Saturday October 23, her kidneys quit all together. She passed just after noon on Monday October 25. She had never been in pain and it did not take overly long.
Who she was.
She was your neighbor and friend. She met life on her own terms and accepted others on theirs. In years past, she boarded dogs and did lots of crafts. Her real passion was to work in her yard and to grow her flowers.
She was on her porch night and day smoking her cigarettes and always had a smile, a wave and a kind word for all of her neighbors.
She was not pretentious. She had grit and spunk and an indomitable will. She never hesitated to speak her mind. She was never unkind or overly resentful. She loved her neighbors their children, and their dogs. She had many friends.
And so much more . . .
Biography
She was born August 4, 1929 Alberta Jane Swan on a 40 acre farm just north of Battle Creek in Barry county Michigan. Her home was warm, happy and loving. Children were valued and respected and of course there was always room for one more.
On August 5, 1950 she married William (Bill) Daniel Ruffner the day after her 21st birthday and stated that she never wanted to leave Michigan. Shortly afterwards her husband was called into active duty Army from the reserves. They were stationed in Oklahoma and later Fort Bliss Texas where Dennis was born. The sharp contrast from the lush greenery of their home state made El Paso seem barren and desolate. Mom thought the Mexican music was beautiful and poetic she would listen to it for hours.
In late 1952 her husband Bill was sent to Korea for the duration of the conflict. Mom and I went back to Michigan to live with her parents.
In 1956 Todd was born at Fort Eustis Virginia.
By 1957 it was time to re-enlist. They returned to El Paso and my father was trained in radars. They could not wait to get back to El Paso and would never consider living any where else again.
In June 1973 they moved to casa mobile home park where mom lived her remaining 31 years.
September 1980 her husband left and she was forced to make it on her own. She worked several jobs and started at the crisis nursery as a volunteer where she was eventually hired on full time.
Later she boarded dogs, mostly because she loved them and as a favor to her friends and neighbors.
Mom made dolls and sold them for extra money at Christmas time.
Mom was always there when there was a time of need.
As her grand children were so far away and she was not able to see them very often, so the children of her neighbors and friends received her love and attention. She did the same for their dogs.
In June of 1996 Dennis returned from the Dallas area to find the house in severe need of repair. Though fiercely independent she needed some help.
Her son Todd would take a week twice a year to visit.
The Final year.
Her decline was gradual, but accelerated in 2003 and 2004. She lost her sister-in-law October 2003 and her sister November 2003.
Her brothers Raymond Swan of Barry county Michigan and Russell Swan of Carlsbad California Came for a visit in February 2004. We had a great time and shared so many memories.
In September 2004 Todd visited and immediately afterward, her granddaughter Julianna came with her husband and 16 month old son Michel. This was nothing short of miraculous! Joy beyond measure.
Mom was her own person and did as she chose to do up to less than two weeks before passing. Mercifully there was no prolonged or lingering and painful death.
The second day after being admitted to the hospital she got a room mate. They immediately bonded and they become close friends. Her new friend was fiercely protective and loved her fiercely. Mom responded in kind. A week before passing she made a new friend!
She wanted to go home, she wanted chicken enchiladas, she missed her boy Mike McDougall from two doors down. She asked about others who were ill. She was very excited about Dr. Sandra Rocha’s baby and could not wait to see him.
During her final four days, she decided that she liked being called mamacita (Little Momma). She went with dignity, grace and ease. She was always kind and cooperative with the hospital staff. She did not have a cross or unkind word. The day before the end her son Todd arrived. At the end her sons Todd and Dennis were at her side to reassure and comfort her. An hour before passing she managed to whisper her final words. “I love you.” Just afterward I had a sense that she was letting go of all disappointments, hurt, pain, and anger. All that remained to take with her was love and her fond memories: a golden nugget refined from a life time of experiences.
Mom had always expressed a wish to be cremated. She did not believe in taking up space after her time and she did not believe in funerals. She did not plan our remembrance service/celebration and I believe she would rather have stayed home herself.
We can be forever grateful for her legacy of love and friendship freely extended to all.
Dennis . W. Ruffner October 29, 2004
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